Two Much Sex & Violence

See what I did there?

Issue #2 of my new comic TOO MUCH SEX & VIOLENCE is finally available to buy, in print and digital formats. It's written by me, with top notch artwork from Stephen Prestwood, Neil Cavenham, Dave Metcalfe-Carr, Nige Lowrey, Mark Renhard, Ryan Taylor, Rob Wells and Tony McGee - thanks, gents!

Return to the seaside town they ought to close down and catch up with dodgy Dermot Kaye, horrible Harry Hall, kinky Kathy Marr, garrulous Gary Gore and suspicious Sam Kamara. Plus, meet Frank Epstein, Becky Corvida, Piers Doughtery... and Serena, the shocking Sister of Mercy. If you dare...

Issue #2 is available for just £2.50 (print) or 99p (digital) - go here to buy it.

Thanks also to Dad Who Writes for joining the ever-growing TMSAV Reviewers club...

Now, this isn’t your Avengers-type comic. This is more Garth-Ennis -writes-Adrian-Tomine-in-Grimsby with a touch of early Ramsay Campbell. It’s funny, twisted, sharp, not a little bitter and full of tight characterisation.

Check out the full review here.

Movie Review: Shame

Michael Fassbender's cock. Carey Mulligan's muff. Let's get them out of the way to begin with, since both take a starring role in Steve (not that one) McQueen's grim new critic's fave and potential Oscar-botherer Shame. I'm sure both genital organs are very nice if you like that sort of thing. Maybe I'm getting old.

For a movie about a predatory sex addict, Shame is a curiously cold and unerotic affair. Of course, that's the point. There's nothing remotely sexy about Brandon Sullivan's addiction. It's mundane and grey, much like the rest of his life. Porn viruses infecting his work pc, crafty wanks in the office toilets, nameless couplings with strangers in grubby car parks. The one time he does come close to a genuine relationship with an actual human being (Nicole Beharie's charming Marianne), he can't even get it up. Ironically, this is the only remotely erotic scene in the movie. And yes, that's the point.

When Brandon's crazy sister Sissy (Mulligan) moves in, she threatens his life of monotonous depravity. Brandon, meanwhile, threatens her plans for drinking, self-abusing, and shagging his oaf of a boss. And they should both learn to lock the bathroom door. There's probably a point in that too.

Shame isn't a bad movie: it's engrossing, atmospherically shot and features some top notch performances (Mulligan is very annoying... but she's supposed to be). My only complaint was that it felt a little too much like a film that was trying to make a point... and it didn't offer much in the way of resolution either. Kinda like this review...

Top Ten Seabird Songs

The only reason is just because.

I really wanted to find room for Half Man Half Biscuit's 'National Shite Day' which features a guest appearance from a dead wading bird, parcelled up and posted to the "rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool / With a note inside which read(s): 'Is this your Sanderling?'". I have no idea what the story is behind that gag, but it always makes me smile.

Anyway...

10. Bad Company - Seagull

Here is a man asking the question
Is this really the end of the world?
Seagull, you must have known for a long time
The shape of things to come.

Chris Packham tells me there's no such thing as "seagulls". There's just different types of gulls, many of which live by the sea. So there.

9. A Flock Of Seagulls - Wishing (If I Had A Photograph Of You)

Unfairly remembered more for their ridiculous haircuts than their music, this band actually took their name from a lyric in the song Toiler On The Sea by The Stranglers.

8. Engelburt Humperdinck - Lesbian Seagull

If you've never heard this before, you probably think I'm making it up. Written by Tom Wilson Weinberg "in response to a government study of long term monogamous lesbian behaviour in seagulls" (thank you, wikipedia, please don't close down for good). The Engelburt version was recorded for the end credits of the movie Beavis & Butthead Do America. It's all true, I swear!

7. British Sea Power - The Great Skua

Seabirds often seem to inspire instrumentals, and this is a wonderfully atmospheric one from BSP about a bird that's also known as The Bonxie.

6. Ooberman - Goodbye, Gadfly

Another evocative and romantic song from the mighty Ooberman, a band no longer with us, but whose entire back catalogue (including this track) can be downloaded free from their website at the link above. Well worth your download allowance.

5. The Shins - New Slang

No, Slang isn't a seabird. Neither are Shins. However, the chorus goes like this...

And if you took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, I'd 'a jumped from my tree
And I'd a danced like the kind of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well

4. Guillemots - Redwings

No, Redwings aren't seabirds either. Guillemots are though - and Guillemots are cool. Not quite as cool as Penguins or Puffins, but I couldn't find a song about either of those. Sadly.

3. Rialto - Summer's Over

Kamikaze seagull planes
Fighting over chip-shop take-away remains
And when you’re walking on the cliff
You can’t help thinking of how far down the sea is
And what if they should give...

My favourite seaside song that isn't Everyday Is Like Sunday, and this one has a kamikaze seagull too!

2. Fleetwood Mac - Albatross

Undoubtedly the most famous seabird instrumental, spoiled slightly by its ubiquitous use in TV holiday show soundtracks, it's still one of the most relaxing records ever recorded.

1. The Maccabees - Pelican

A new entry at the top of the chart, this earworm from the Maccabees has been circling my harbour incessantly for the last few weeks. I have no idea why it's called Pelican... and I'm not sure I want to know.

Book Review: The Secret Speech by Tom Rob Smith

The sequel to my second favourite novel of 2011 is almost as gripping as its predecessor. Almost, because although for the most part I found the pages of The Secret Speech turning just as fast as Child 44, there were a couple of sequences I would have happily left out in the cold.

Set a few years after the first book and shortly after the death of Josef Stalin, The Secret Speech finds Leo Demidov facing a very different Soviet Union. New leader Nikita Khrushchev issues a tacit apology for years of terror and oppression and the ensuing recriminations threaten to tear the country apart. Leo finds his past "crimes" coming back to haunt him, endangering the new family he's struggling to hold together. Forced into a desperate mission that finds him imprisoned in a Siberian Gulag then fighting for his life amidst the Hungarian uprising, Leo discovers redemption is hard to come by. Much of this is as breathlessly exciting as the first novel, though a couple of sections (notably the sequence about a sinking prison ship) seem tacked on with an eye to Hollywood. As with the second of Stieg Larsson's Millennium books, there's much less mystery and detective work here and far more action. A worthy sequel, nevertheless, and I'm looking forward to sinking my teeth into the final book of the trilogy soon.

Full Cream Comicy Goodness

Like Robots? Like Vikings? Like Ninjas? Like Pirates? Then check out the new comic from my old Thoughtballoons compatriot, MK Strangeland. Robot Viking Ninja Pirates #0 is just as much fun as the title sounds and it's available now from graphic.ly for just $1 (about 60p, by my reckoning). Here's the full blurb...

Robot Viking Ninja Pirates #0 (22 Pages) – What are Robot Viking Ninja Pirates? Exactly what they sound like. Looking for an origin story? You won’t find it here. What will you find? How about a runaway dinosaur that’s part spider getting punched in the face by a robot. And best of all, you can get it all for just ONE DOLLAR!

Meanwhile, new thoughtballooner Dan Hill shared this beautifully observed tale based on the premise of what might happen if the human race suddenly discovered the ability to fly... then focused on just two characters who use their newfound powers to re-enact a terrible moment from their own tragic back story. Really nicely paced, with excellent artwork from Cale Ajioka. Click Eagles High to enjoy.

Speaking of Thoughtballoons, we're just embarking on Harry Osborn week, so get yourself over there for some Gobliny goodness. My story goes up later today (or might already be there, depending when you read this), but in the meantime check out what the other guys bring to the slightly-less-crazy-than-his-Dad Osborn lad.

And while we're on the subject of comics, yes, it's true, the wait is almost over. TOO MUCH SEX & VIOLENCE #2 will be available by the end of the week. Here's the official unveiling of the cover to whet your appetites...

Whatever you're imagining right now... believe me, it's worse. Much, much worse. Heh.

Movie Review: The Artist

Michel Hazanavicius's homage to the era of black and white silent movies has been lauded as a brave, funny and moving piece of film-making. It tells the story of George Valentin (a star-making performance from Jean Dujardin), a silent movie actor who finds himself dinosaured when the talkies start making a big noise in Hollywood. George's career is on the slide, his marriage is failing and his fortune is dwindling - but he's not without friends, notably his dog (a canine-Oscar worthy performance from "Uggie") and his former butler, Clifton (the always excellent James Cromwell). Then there's Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo, another name to watch), an up-and-coming starlet whose career follows the opposite path to George's as she becomes the first genuine star of the talkies. Will she remember the silent star who gave her big break... and will George's wounded pride allow him to accept her help?

The Artist arrives on a huge wave of hype and it's certainly unlike any other film I've seen in a long time. It took a while for my brain to adjust to watching a movie with no dialogue, but one pivotal scene where George faces up to the fact that sound is the future (and he's the past) made it all click. Although there's nothing revolutionary about the plot, the way it's told should be celebrated as a lesson to film-makers and storytellers everywhere. It certainly made me realise how lazy a lot of contemporary directors have become with regards telling (via dialogue) rather than showing (via visuals). In the bloated 3D SFX era, The Artist was a breath of fresh air... and a must-see movie for writers everywhere, particularly those working in any kind of visual media (not just film or TV - but comics too). No one's a bigger fan of well-crafted dialogue than me - but at risk of paraphrasing Ronan Keating (or Alison Krauss, to maintain some semblance of cred), sometimes you do say it best... when you say nothing at all.

Top Ten Comparison Songs

Nothing Compares 2 U, sang Sinead O'Connor (with a little help from Prince)... but that was before the internet came along and gave us the chance to weigh life's many options without ever leaving the house. Whether we want to compare car insurance quotes, phone plans, holiday destinations or even potential soulmates... we're now just a few clicks from the right answer. Even rock stars are it. Here's ten examples of popular musicians scratching their heads, wondering which way to go...


10. Ian Brown - Destiny Or Circumstance

When contemplating that lucrative Stone Roses reunion, which of the above drove Ian Brown to make his final decision?

9. Otis Redding - Trick Or Treat

Otis finds himself torn to pieces by a lady who can't make up her mind: does she love him, does she like him... or is she just leading him on?

8. B.A. Robertson - To Be Or Not To Be

Brian Alexander Robertson wonders whether Hamlet's fateful decision would have been easier if he'd had an internet chatroom to moan about his uncle in? "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

7. Fionn Regan - Bunker Or Basement

Location, Location, Location must have seen Fionn Regan coming.

6. Adam Ant - Friend Or Foe

Adam Ant wants those who get to know him to become either admirers or enemies. The worst reaction is no reaction. He will forever be the Marmite of popstars.

5. The Delagados - Sink Or Swim

The Delgados don't give us much of a choice, but as long as Emma Pollock keeps singing, I'll keep swimming towards the sound of her voice.

4. Nina Simone - Love Me Or Leave Me

Tough love from Nina - you might not believe her, but she'd rather be lonely than be with somebody else.

3. Michael Jackson - Black Or White

It was the question that dogged Michael Jackson for years - and this was his answer.

Yay! Norm from Cheers is in the video. Boo! So is McCauley Culkin.

2. Blondie - One Way Or Another

...she's gonna get you, get you, get you, get you. You have no choice but to co-operate once Debbie Harry has you in her sights.

1. The Clash - Death Or Glory

A song about growing up and leaving youthful rebellion behind... or growing old disgracefully. A young Joe Strummer seems undecided which is the better option. Should he stay or should he go? Either way, it's just another story.



Time to compare the songs above and decide which one's best for you...