The Fire Gospel

As the masses go wild for the latest Dan Brown, it seems an appropriate time to review Michel Faber's latest, a satire on the kind of hokum that made Brown infamous, and of the cult of celebrity and controversy that is built around such authors. The Fire Gospel begins when writer and Aramaic specialist Theo Griepenkerl is caught in the bombing of an Iraqi museum and stumbles across a hitherto-undiscovered 'fifth gospel', written by Malchus - a disciple of Jesus who was actually present at the crucifixion. Despite the rather mundane secrets of the text (Malchus is more interested in his own bowel-movements than any miracles he might have witnessed), Theo's translation becomes an overnight best-seller, making him a target for religious extremists, nymphomaniac publishers, and sensationalist talkshow hosts the world over.

Faber captures perfectly the insecurities of being a writer, even one faced with unprecedented success. Theo's obsession with his book's ranking on Amazon, and with his own fleeting celebrity, drives the plot forward. As with all Faber's books, it's the smaller moments that make The Fire Gospel so memorable, lonely nights in hotel rooms, quibbling royalties with agents and arguing theology with kidnappers, trying to impress an ex-girlfriend who really couldn't care less anymore. The kind of moments Dan Brown wouldn't even think about writing.

Tom Hanks won't ever play Theo Griepenkerl. I think we can all breathe easily for that.