The Top Ten Ones

So here we at, at the end of the countdown, slightly later than scheduled - hopefully your Tivo / V+ / Skyplus box won't chop off the end of the countdown as a result.

Before we begin, here's the rest of the countdown in full...

The Top Ten Tens

The Top Ten Nines

The Top Ten Eights

The Top Twenty Sevens

The Top Ten Sixes

The Top Ten Fives

The Top Ten Fours

The Top Ten Threes

The Top Twenty Twos

Collect them all and get a free Gilbert O'Sullivan flashlight.

Now there's a reason I was so reluctant to tackle the number one - there's just too damned many of the things! Plus, putting the digit '1' into my music player's search function came up with so many listings it was impossible to even begin wading through all of those... which is, of course, the only reason you won't find Spandau Ballet's Chant No. 1 (I Don't Need This Pressure On) listed below... though it would have given me an excuse to mention Billy Bragg's marvellous parody song title, I Don't Need This Pressure, Ron.

Entering the word 'one' into the search engine opened a similar floodgate. To cut down the numbers slightly, I decided to avoid any reference to Anyone and No One... but even then, there were thousands I could have chosen. Then I forced myself to drop a few of my favourite One Songs that I've written about here before (such as One Week by the Barenaked Ladies and One Night In Bangkok by Murray Head). But even then, I found a large number of artists with not just one one, but two, three, even four of the buggers. And believe me, if I were to start listing runners up, I'd be here all night. Too much choice can be a bad thing. Anyway, here's my selection - pick them apart as you will...


10. Johnny Cash - One

The idea of including any U2 song in any kind of greatest hits compilation is anathema to me, but really, it's the band I hate more than their songs. I'll admit it once, and deny it ever after, there are actually some U2 songs I like. Angel Of Harlem? Good song. Desire? Good song. Beautiful Day? Not bad. Even that one about a lemon. It's the singer, not the songs.

One, however, wouldn't ever have been my pick of their catalogue. It's pretentious and worthy and smug and everything I hate about Bono. Or it was, until Johnny Cash wrapped his throat round it and reinvented it completely.

But if you still can't handle it, have this one from JC instead...

One Piece At A Time

9. Suede - The Wild Ones / The Beautiful Ones / My Insatiable One

Three great ones from Suede. The Beautiful Ones is probably their biggest hit, My Insatiable One is the one that even Morrissey liked, but my favourite - and probably the song that turned me on to this band in the first place - is The Wild Ones. Could these be the best lyrics Brett Anderson has ever written?

There's a song playing on the radio
Sky high in the airwaves on the morning show
And there's a lifeline slipping as the record plays
And as I open the blinds in my mind I'm believing that you could stay

And oh if you stay I'll chase the rainblown fields away
We'll shine like the morning and sin in the sun
Oh if you stay
We'll be the wild ones, running with the dogs today

8. The Levellers - One Way / Just The One

What a conickydence, that the two best Levellers songs both feature the word 'one'. One Way is their mission statement, Just The One a knockabout drinking song reminiscent of Chumbawamba's TubThumping.

7. REM - The One I Love

The song that first brought REM to the pop world is one of those great misunderstood lyrics. Casual listeners took its lyrics on face value, a love song dedicated to someone special. Stipey (and anyone who listens more closely) reckons it's a much darker track about using people and throwing them away.

6. Dan Bern - One Dance

Lyrically and vocally, Dan Bern is the bastard love child of Bob Dylan and Elvis Costello. I first heard this one in the soundtrack to the excellent Zero Effect.

I recognize the look
In my eyes when I see you
It's the look of one who loves you
Who wants nothing except to be with you
It is not the look that often
Gets returned in kind

5. Big Country - One Great Thing

For another cautionary tale of how rock stardom eats you up and spits you out, see the tragic fate of Stuart Adamson. I was never a huge Big Country fan, but I always liked this song. Is it me, or did they have a strange knack of making their guitars sound somewhat bagpipey?

Love the video.

4. The Charlatans - The Only One I Know

Louise works with the wife of one of the Charlatans! That's my tenuous link to fame for today. Their biggest hit still sounds great.

3. The Smiths - Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before / I Want The One I Can't Have / Death At One's Elbow

Can you believe I almost got all the way through this chart without a single Smiths song? Morrissey musn't like numbers. Speaking of the bequiffed one, I'll be seeing him tonight in Leeds (provided he doesn't collapse again like he did on Saturday)... wonder if he'll play any of these?

2. Harry Nilsson / Aimee Mann - One

I love Harry Nilsson. I love Aimee Mann. I love Aimee Mann singing Harry Nilsson song. And if Harry were still with us, I'd love to hear him return the favour. There's a lot of love in this room.

Aimee's version comes from the movie Magnolia, featuring Tom Cruise's greatest performance. (He plays an absolute git. Hmmm...)

1. Elbow - One Day Like This

The great feelgood indie anthem of the 21st Century.



That's yer lot.

What next?